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The American Speech Language and Hearing Association said it best.
“Communication is the key to connection.”
As a parent, communicating with your child is crucial. The importance of communication starts when your child is an infant, and continues to when your child is a young adult. Communicating is a way to stay in tune with your child, to assess his understanding, know his personality, and see / understand what he needs.
Plus, communication is the key foundation to your child’s education. Cognition and language have long been intertwined, especially when a child is young. Children can show differences in processing as young as 18 months old, based on how parents talk to and interact with them.
And, as your child grows, strong communication skills are what ensure understanding of what is taught at school, ease with expressing oneself, and ability to make and sustain friendships.
Your child’s communication development– his speech and language growth – are therefore of paramount importance.
THE TIP TO MORE TALK IS DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE
But how do you encourage a child – regardless of age – to talk more?
The solution is one used by speech-language pathologists all over the country, whether they are working with typically developing children who are shy, or children who have language delays, or children who have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
It is : Do not anticipate your child’s wants.
THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMUNICATIVE TEMPTATION
To understand the phrase “not anticipating a child’s wants,” we can start by reflecting on toddlers who are first learning to talk.
One of the oldest tricks in the book is to find something the child really wants, and put it just a little bit out of reach. In order to get the toy, or the food, or the book, the child must request it in any way. This can be by signing, pulling the parent’s hand, or talking.
This “communicative temptation” is a way of teaching “manding” or requesting. And “manding” is so important that a standard component therapy in children who have developing communication skills.
THE LOGIC BEHIND COMMUNICATIVE TEMPTATION
Communicative temptation seeks to address a communication gap caused by a parent being almost “too good.” They know exactly what their children want, and provide it when it is appropriate.
However, just taking a second to see if the child will ask instead is putting all the assertiveness and the initiative in the child’s court.
With time, children learn that words are what get them what they want, not screaming or crying.
COMMUNICATIVE TEMPTATION STARTS IN TODDLERS
Communicative temptation does not mean ignoring your toddler or her needs. It just means setting up opportunities so that your toddler can practice asking.
So, for example, if you want to teach your toddler the word “cookie”, put the cookie jar in front of her, and then just look at her.
The child may point. Follow her point. Then say, “oh did you want a cookie?”
Pause. “A cookie?” Pause. “One cookie?”
The child will either say “cookie” – in which case you win!
Or she might stare at you stubbornly. At this point, to avoid a meltdown, you can give her the cookie. You already taught her the vocabulary word and the way of asking when you had her full attention.
COMMUNICATIVE TEMPTATION CONTINUES DURING EARLY SCHOOLING
The best time to get your child to open up is he really wants something.
Does he really want that new Lego kit from Toys R Us? Talk to him about it before you buy it. Ask him why he likes it, what kinds of games he is going to play with it, which kit is the best, where he is going to put the kit, who he is going to share it with…
COMMUNICATIVE TEMPTATION CAN EVEN CONTINUE IN PRETEEN AND TEEN YEARS
Does your daughter really want to go to a party?
Before you give her permission, use the mention as an opportunity to talk to her about her friends. Make plans for what she can do to prepare. Talk to her about safety and values.
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So there you have it! Communicative Temptation – even in its simplest, most basic form – is a powerful concept. You are still understanding your child’s needs. But you are also boosting your child’s language, and deepening your connection.
Most importantly, you are teaching a valuable lesson – that your child’s voice matters, and is the ticket to meeting his goals.
Disclaimer : Smarter Speech is a pediatric speech therapy / speech-language pathology practice for toddlers and children providing in-home and teletherapy services in and around Mountain View, CA and Los Gatos, CA. Smarter Speech Blog aims to provide free speech and language tips for parents educators and therapists. However, this post is not providing speech-language pathology services. This is general information, not speech -language pathology or speech therapy. This article does not assume or create a client – SLP relationship. The author is not liable for any losses or damages due to actions or failure to act based on the content in this article. If you need assistance with a child’s speech or language needs, please contact a speech-language pathologist in your area.
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