How to talk to your child with maximum efficacy

Language is what a child uses to learn and engage with the world. Think about it : everything that we do to learn, like listening, reading, writing, and speaking, have their roots in language.

If a child’s language is strong, then, this is a foundation for the child to succeed in school. This applies to a child at any age: from infancy, to middle school and beyond.

But exactly how do you talk to your child to maximize language growth? Here are some tips.

1. Speak at the appropriate length

When you talk to your child, you should not speak like a caveman. (No “me go here.”) But you should also not speak at such a complexity that It goes over their heads (No “That is an unbelievably strong statement to make about fashion in 21st century post-feminist urban America.”). You want your child to be able to process, and possibly repeat, what you say.

A good rule of thumb is to speak with as many words in a sentence as your child’s age. So, if your child is 1, point out a lot of labels (“ball.”). If your child is 3, try a three word sentence (That goes there.) If your child is five, try a five word sentence. (That girl’s dress is pretty.) And of your child is 10, feel free to introduce those 10-word giants .

This suggestion is loosely based on the work of Roger Brown, a child psychologist who noticed that the number of "word units" in a child’s utterance corresponds to a child’s age.

2. Repeat what you say…. over and over again.

This especially works for the very young kids. For infant’s for example, try to repeat the target word / phrase 3 times in one go. “That’s my ball. See? That’s my ball, Fred…. That’s my ball.”

As children get older, you might need to be a little more subtle about how you repeat your utterances. For a 1st grade student, try something like. “I like how you cleaned up. Dad, did you see how he cleaned up? We really like how you cleaned up.”

3. Slow down.

Your child has the most opportunity to process and store what you said if your pace is measured and even. Next time you are talking to your child, or playing a game, or even scolding them, record yourself. See if you think your using a teacher’s pace. You’d be surprised by the answer

4. Ask your child questions.

Wh questions- using who, what, when, where, and why, are great starting points.

For infants and toddlers, what where, and who are more appropriate. As your child gets older and starts asking “why” for everything, ask it back and see what funny answers you get. As your child starts to understand time, add in “when.”

Wh-questions are great for a couple of reasons. First, they establish two-way communication between the parent and the child. You say something, and the child has to answer. This is setting the precedent for dialogue conversation.

Second, wh-questions are great way to model grammar which will be important for children to understand and express, as early as kindergarten.

5. Make your child take turns

Communication is a two –way street. And the earlier, and more consistently, a child engages in dialogue, not monologue, the better the foundation for receptive, expressive, and social language.

When a child is younger, you can model the turns children should be taking while playing. Throw a ball. “My turn…. Your turn.” Or eat together. “My spoon. Your spoon.”

When a child is older (around elementary school and beyond), make sure that they ask questions that some asked them, back. “What is your favorite color, Zayn?” “Green.” “What is your favorite color, mom?”

6. Talk constantly

The more you talk, the better. Period.

In a study during the 1970s, researchers found children from poorer, less educated families heard fewer words. This "word gap" translated to less readiness for school.

Even if it’s just for half an hour a day, or during a drive to swimming lessons, really spend the entire time talking to your child. Model your language. Hear their language. Gently correct. Shape and mold their brains --- all while connecting and having fun.

7. Praise your child’s talking

If your child said a new word, acknowledge it. “I love how you just used _____.” Or “you’re right, that is a _____”.

As your child gets older, modify for their lengthier sentences. “I love how you asked for snack by saying “Can I please have my snack now. That’s awesome.”

Praising language is positive reinforcement. Your child will talk even more because of your encouragement.

8. Read with your child.

You’ve probably heard this one before.

But how you read matters too. In fact, reading is a perfect opportunity to practice all the tips mentioned in this article so far. Repeat new words. Ask your child questions every page. Read slowly. Take turns retelling the story. Praise when your child fills in words or sentences.

9. Monitor speech and language milestones.

Children acquire sounds, words, and grammar forms in a systematic way. You can make sure that your child is keeping up with the chart. Speech is a foundation for reading. Language is the foundation for more general learning.

You can even “jump start” and try to teach your child the milestones one year up to give them an edge.

If your child is not meeting a milestone, though, do not wait and see. The early the intervention, the quicker your child will catch up.

Make an appointment with your pediatrician, and get a referral to a speech-language pathologist near you. An SLP will conduct a thorough evaluation, and make recommendations for intervention based on the results.

So there you have it! 9 ways to boost your child's learning - just by talking.

2 minute action plan

1. Take stock of how you communicate with your child now. Record a conversation with your child, and play it back. What are your strengths? Which of the tips above can you improve on? Which ones can you add?

2. Check out a milestone chart to make sure your child is on track, or to give your kid a head start. Which domains of language is your child excelling in? Which ones could your child use a little support in?

Ongoing action plan

1. Work on each tip mentioned above, allotting one week for each tip.

2. Designate “talking time” into one of your routines (play, meals, driving, etc.) and focus on one –on-one interaction with your child

3. Read with intention, using the tips mentioned in this article each time you turn the page of your book.

Happy Talking!

Disclaimer : Smarter Speech is a pediatric speech therapy / speech-language pathology practice for toddlers and children providing in-home and teletherapy services in and around Mountain View, CA and Los Gatos, CA. Smarter Speech Blog aims to provide free speech and language tips for parents educators and therapists. However, this post is not providing speech-language pathology services. This is general information, not speech -language pathology or speech therapy. This article does not assume or create a client – SLP relationship. The author is not liable for any losses or damages due to actions or failure to act based on the content in this article. If you need assistance with a child’s speech or language needs, please contact a speech-language pathologist in your area.