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Kids are much smarter than we give them credit for. When we’re talking about them, even if we’re spelling out words or using complicated code, they know exactly what we are doing. They pick up on subtle cues from kids and adults around them. They are constantly reasoning in their little heads – “what does this mean?”
And, to top it all off, they are sensitive.
So if your kid needs help with something – whether it be therapy or tutoring or a consultation of some sort – they are aware that they need help.
This awareness starts early – in some cases, from when a child is as young as two years old.
True, experts say that theory of mind does not develop until age 5.
But many two year olds will not talk when they feel pressure from their setting. They will only talk when their guard is down, and when they know that they are not expected to talk. In their own little way, this is demonstrating awareness of therapy, and a defiance of formalized intervention.
So, of course older kids feel it. As much as elementary students love the attention and the goodies from speech, it has already registered in their little minds that something is “wrong” with the way they talk.
So what’s an adult to do? Here are some tips that I have used in the past to nip that negative talk in the bud.
1. Catch it early
Stop as soon as you see any sign of negativity. Maybe a parent mentioned that the child was crying, or that the child said he “couldn’t (verb) right.” Maybe the child started to cry in a session, with no legitimate precedent. Or maybe the child just voiced what she was feeling.
Whatever the indication, you can get right in there. “Something tells me that you are feeling sad about being in therapy. Can you tell me why?”
When the answer comes out – whether through coaxing, or through consulting with another adult, seize it. It will sound something like “Why can’t I get it,” or “I’m not smart.”
Then…
2. Assure them that they are very smart
Please tell them they are smart. (PS – “smart” is such a broad term, so you are telling the absolute truth.)
3. Tell them why they are here
“You are very smart. You’re just here because you need a little bit more practice with ______. All kids need practice with different things. With you, it’s _______).
Framing extra work as “practice”, and assuring them that everyone practices
something, can make them feel like everybody else.
4. If they counter, get philosophical
Some children are stubborn. They continue to say that they are not smart, or that another kid is smarter than them. Then bring out the ultimate power statement:
“All kids are equally smart, just in different ways.”
Even Albert Einstein said, “Everbody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
People have different distribution of “smarts.” There are math smarts, word smarts, art smarts, sports smarts, and more. They are al distributed differently – and one is not better than the other.
5. Get stern
You can indulge the pity talk for a little while… but then I get stern.
“I don’t want to hear you say that anymore. You’re smart, and you’re doing great.”
6. Up the praise a little
Stay positive through the session, increasing positive feedback. Because if a kid is trying, he deserves some praise.
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That’s all, folks. These are the tips to use when you encounter a negative tone or attitude.
Try not to look at it as something sad. It's just an opportunity to boost a child’s self-esteem.
It’s something relevant for teachers, SLPs, parents, and more. Children are full of potential. The sky is the limit. And they should never forget it.
Happy talking!
Disclaimer : Smarter Speech is a pediatric speech therapy / speech-language pathology practice for toddlers and children providing in-home and teletherapy services in and around Mountain View, CA and Los Gatos, CA. Smarter Speech Blog aims to provide free speech and language tips for parents educators and therapists. However, this post is not providing speech-language pathology services. This is general information, not speech -language pathology or speech therapy. This article does not assume or create a client – SLP relationship. The author is not liable for any losses or damages due to actions or failure to act based on the content in this article. If you need assistance with a child’s speech or language needs, please contact a speech-language pathologist in your area.
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